A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a last minute business meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them.

He hastily scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 700 p.m., the man comes back to his desk and finds this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove, idiot!"

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My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mom said it was irreplaceable. "

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One day my housework-challenge d husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma!"

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As part of the examination, the professor required that students sign a form stating that they had not received any outside assistance during the exam.

Unsure of whether he should sign the form, one student stated that he had prayed for the assistance of God. As he turned in his exam, he asked the professor if that meant he should not sign the form.

The professor looked over the student's answers, and told him, "You can sign it with a clear conscience. God did not assist you."